We've got it down to a science.
Step 1: Eat an entire pizza by yourself. Repeat this process until you're stuffed, but not too full.
Step 2: Watch an entire season of your favorite TV show in one sitting. Make sure you don't have a social life, because, let's be real, you won't need it.
Step 3: Set up a 3-foot by 3-foot "work" space in the center of your living room. Make sure it's cluttered with empty coffee cups, crumpled up papers, and last week's Chinese takeout containers.
Step 4: Wear a bathrobe to work. Not just any bathrobe, but one with a cape attached to it. Because, why not?
Step 5: Declare yourself a "professional" and charge your friends and family $50 an hour to fix their computers, cut their hair, or walk their dogs. Just make sure you're not actually a professional.
And that's it! With these simple steps, you'll be an extra-large version of your former self in no time.
And don't forget step 6: Develop an unquenchable thirst for mediocrity.